i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
