Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Your penis caused this!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
