I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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