I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The ass gains better be worth it
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
