Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
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