I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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