He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
