M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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