just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
