i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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