my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
