I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
