Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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