I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize