Only a mothe r could love this liver
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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