I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
