At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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