I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
