2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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