the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
