when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
