It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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