So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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