I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
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We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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