Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
