Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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