I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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