I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
