:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
