i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
