Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
