so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
