Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
