my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
try to milk me bitch
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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