Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
