He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
