Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she was so not down for the gang bang
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
