I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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