it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
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Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
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Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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