I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
