Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
