So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
