Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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