clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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