so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
