I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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