i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
