so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
