If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
