good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
