Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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