apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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