For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
