how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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