My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
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I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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