It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize