Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
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I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
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Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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