I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
