so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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