I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
