help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
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dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
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High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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