the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
