Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize