I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
