my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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