its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
