also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
