Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
