im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
