He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
