sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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