Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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