Yo dont text me then not text me
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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