I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
