i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
