Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
