theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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