I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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