her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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