3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
