Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
